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revolution
When all else fails, read the source


Joined: 24 Aug 2004
Posts: 17352
Location: In your JS exploiting you and your system
revolution
Q: How many assembly programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 11
  • 1 to convert the HLL procedure to ASM
  • 1 to optimise for the smallest instruction sizes
  • 1 to optimise out all unpredictable conditional jumps
  • 1 to make it cache friendly and reduce external memory accesses
  • 1 to parallelise it for n-bulb systems
  • 1 to assemble the code
  • 1 to reduce binary size with UPX
  • 1 to simulate 1,000,000 trials to estimate the average execution time
  • 1 to rewrite the interfaces for other OSes
  • 1 to copy the binary into the system
  • 1 to execute it
______________________________________________________

Q: How many HLL programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 1
  • 1 to execute the binary included with the OS
Post 10 Oct 2008, 13:24
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demiourgos



Joined: 10 Feb 2008
Posts: 11
demiourgos
Ha! ha-ha hah-ha ha...hah ha..ha... And I thought my jokes were bad...
Post 10 Oct 2008, 16:45
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asmcoder



Joined: 02 Jun 2008
Posts: 784
asmcoder
[content deleted]


Last edited by asmcoder on 14 Aug 2009, 14:55; edited 1 time in total
Post 10 Oct 2008, 17:02
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edfed



Joined: 20 Feb 2006
Posts: 4240
Location: 2018
edfed
how to debug a hardware project?

call the enginer

how to debug a sofware project?

call the enginer

how to debug a hard & soft project?

create a forum

Laughing

no?
:lol:lol:lol:
Post 10 Oct 2008, 21:31
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bitRAKE



Joined: 21 Jul 2003
Posts: 2917
Location: [RSP+8*5]
bitRAKE
Old assembly language programmers don't die - they just...
...tripple fault
...call [0]
...jmp $
...binary/hex dump
...fall to bits

Laughing

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¯\(°_o)/¯ unlicense.org
Post 11 Oct 2008, 02:43
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sinsi



Joined: 10 Aug 2007
Posts: 695
Location: Adelaide
sinsi
...disassemble
...cold boot
Post 11 Oct 2008, 02:55
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farrier



Joined: 26 Aug 2004
Posts: 274
Location: North Central Mississippi
farrier
What's the difference between a computer "expert", and a Used Car Salesman?

The Used Car Salesman knows when he is lying!

_________________
Some Assembly Required
It's a good day to code!
U.S.Constitution; Bill of Rights; Amendment 1:
... the right of the people peaceably to assemble, ...
The code is dark, and full of errors!
Post 11 Oct 2008, 08:44
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Loser



Joined: 12 Jun 2008
Posts: 111
Location: Gliese 581 d
Loser
Q. What's the difference between Loser and revolution?

A. Loser admits that he is a loser. revolution doesn't. Laughing
Post 11 Oct 2008, 09:49
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revolution
When all else fails, read the source


Joined: 24 Aug 2004
Posts: 17352
Location: In your JS exploiting you and your system
revolution
Repeat after me 0xFFF times: revolution is a loser!

I'm a loser, I'm a loser,... {another 0xFFD times} ..., and proud of it. Very Happy
Post 11 Oct 2008, 10:02
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Borsuc



Joined: 29 Dec 2005
Posts: 2466
Location: Bucharest, Romania
Borsuc
Loser wrote:
Q. What's the difference between Loser and revolution?

A. Loser admits that he is a loser. revolution doesn't. Laughing
LOL

Quote:
Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus1.0 (marketing name: Fiancee1.0).

Recently he upgraded Fiancee1.0 to Wife1.0 and it's a memory hogger, has taken all his space; and Wife1.0 must be running before he can do anything. Although he didn't ask for them, Wife1.0 came with Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw and BrotherInLaw.

Some features I'd like to see in the upcoming GirlFriend4.0. - A "Don't remind me again" button - Minimize button - Shutdown feature - An install shield feature so that Girlfriend4.0 can be completely uninstalled if so desired (so you don't lose cache and other objects)

I tried running Girlfriend 2.0 with Girlfriend 1.0 still installed, they tried using the same I/O port and conflicted. Then I tried to uninstall Girlfriend 1.0 but it didn't have an uninstall program. I tried to uninstall it by hand, but it put files in my system directory.

Another thing that sucks -- in all versions of Girlfriend that I've used is that it is totally "object orientated" and only supports hardware with gold plated contacts.

***** BUG WARNING ******** Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.


Quote:
Types of computer viruses


Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years.

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

Elvis virus: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

Gallup virus: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).

George Bush virus: Doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of it until November.

Government economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

Mario Cuomo virus: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.

Michael Jackson virus: Hard to identify because it is constantly altering its appearance. This virus won't harm your PC, but it will trash your car.

PBS virus: Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money.

Politically correct virus: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism".

Right To Life virus: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.

Texas virus: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

UK Parliament virus: Splits the screen into two with a message in each half blaming other side for the state of the system.

Warren Commission virus: Won't allow you to open your files for 75 years.



Quote:
A guy goes into a police station with a sheep. A cop tells him: "What are you doing with this sheep in here? Go with it to the Zoo!", and the guy leaves, probably following the cop's advice.

Later on that day, the cop sees the man with the sheep trying to get across the street. Cop: "Didn't I tell you to get this sheep to the Zoo?"

Guy: "I did, now I was going to get it to a movie..."

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Post 11 Oct 2008, 15:19
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revolution
When all else fails, read the source


Joined: 24 Aug 2004
Posts: 17352
Location: In your JS exploiting you and your system
revolution
A man walks into a bar.

And says "Ouch!".
Post 18 Oct 2008, 06:07
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sinsi



Joined: 10 Aug 2007
Posts: 695
Location: Adelaide
sinsi
Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
Answers please...


Unrelated to the above...http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/forums/viewthread/8064
Post 18 Oct 2008, 06:25
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ManOfSteel



Joined: 02 Feb 2005
Posts: 1154
ManOfSteel
sinsi wrote:

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
Answers please...

To be consistent with the thread's title, I'd say it's to get to the other side Wink .
Post 18 Oct 2008, 08:56
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revolution
When all else fails, read the source


Joined: 24 Aug 2004
Posts: 17352
Location: In your JS exploiting you and your system
revolution
Horace Poem

Much to his Mum and Dad's dismay
Horace ate himself one day.
He didn't stop to say his grace,
He just sat down and ate his face.
"We can't have this!" his Dad declared,
"If that lad's ate, he should be shared."
But even as he spoke they saw
Horace eating more and more:
First his legs and then his thighs,
His arms, his nose, his hair, his eyes...
"Stop him someone!" Mother cried
"Those eyeballs would be better fried!"
But all too late for they were gone,
And he had started on his dong...
"Oh! Foolish child!" the father mourns
"You could have deep-fried that with prawns,
Some parsley and some tartar sauce..."
But H. was on his second course:
His liver and his lights and lung,
His ears, his neck, his chin, his tongue;
"To think I raised him from the cot
And now he's going to scoff the lot!"
His mother cried: "What shall we do?
What's left won't even make a stew..."
And as she wept, her son was seen
To eat his head, his heart, his spleen.
And there he lay: a boy no more,
Just a stomach, on the floor...
None the less, since it was his
They ate it - that's what haggis* is.

* - No it isn't. Haggis is a kind of stuffed black pudding eaten by the Scots and considered by them to be not only a delicacy but fit for human consumption. The minced heart, liver and lungs of a sheep, calf or other animal's inner organs are mixed with oatmeal, sealed and boiled in maw in the sheep's intestinal stomach bag and ... Excuse me a minute...
Post 18 Oct 2008, 09:08
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ManOfSteel



Joined: 02 Feb 2005
Posts: 1154
ManOfSteel
Magnificent poem.
And this haggis dish really seems delicious. What a refined taste these Scots have!
Post 18 Oct 2008, 09:44
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Borsuc



Joined: 29 Dec 2005
Posts: 2466
Location: Bucharest, Romania
Borsuc
sinsi wrote:
Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
Answers please...
Mind if I give you a lot of people's answers? Razz

(ignore the Dutch names, I copied it from a dutch friend's translation hehe)
Quote:

PLATO:
because of a higher purpose

ARISTOTELES:
It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

KARL MARX:
This was historically inevitable

SADDAM HUSSEIN:
This was an unheard act of rebellion, so I HAD to use the nerve gas.

RONALD REAGAN:
I don’t know anymore.

CAPTAIN KIRK:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before

HIPPOCRATES
Because of an overdose of Phlegm in the pancreas

MARTIN LUTHER KING:
I had a dream. I dreamed that every chicken could cross the road unquestioned.

MOZES:
And God descended from heaven and said to the chicken: “Thou shalt crosseth streets.” And so did the chicken cross the street and there was much cheering and great joy. And God saw that it was good.

WILLY CLAES:
The chicken did not cross the street, I repeat, the chicken did not cross the street.

FILIP DEWINTER:
No, we did not send the chicken back. It went back on it’s own.

FREUD:
The fact itself that your insecure about this, indicates you’re underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES:
I’ve just finished Chicken Office 2000 who will not only cross streets, but will cackle, lay eggs and check your accounting.

DARWIN:
Throughout history, chickens have been selected so that they are genetically predestined to cross roads.

EINSTEIN:
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road was moving under the chicken, depends on your frame of reference.

BUDDHA:
The fact that you’re even asking this question, means that something is lacking in your chicken nature.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die alone, in the rain.

JEAN-LUC DEHAENE:
Let the beast go

FRANK VANDENBROUCKE:
BURN THAT CHICKEN!

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Post 18 Oct 2008, 12:05
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edfed



Joined: 20 Feb 2006
Posts: 4240
Location: 2018
edfed
i'm a winner
Post 18 Oct 2008, 12:11
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