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Index > Heap > SPECIAL CODE FOR REVOLUTION!

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m3ntal



Joined: 08 Dec 2013
Posts: 296
m3ntal
Wrote a special poem just for you, buddy Wink
Code:
class revolution

age=DONT_ASK
location=NURSERY_HOME|HOSPITAL
senile=TRUE
programming.knowledge=LOW
programming.experience=MINIMAL
programming.ability=ZERO
innovation=NO
creativity=ZERO
writes.code=NEVER

forever \
  or (until hospital.pulls.life.support \
  and heart.monitor.stops.beating \
  and brain.activity=FALSE)
  control.everyone()
  tell.them.what.to.do()
  revolution.knows.what.to.do?=FUCK_NO!
  give.useless.advice()
  prevent.evolution()
  stop.creativity()
  search.for.rules.to.enforce(random(INFINITE))
  memorize.and.repeat.illogical.rules()
  enforce.stupid.ass.rules()
  control.freak=TRUE
  thought("I can't write code anyway")
  fearful("I try, but I get scared and give up")
  hopeless.feeling("Help me, hold my hand")
  knowledge--
  thought("But I think I know how")
  delusion++
  sit.outside.the.ring.and.talk.shit()
  never.enter.fight.and.prove.yourself()
  jealous=TRUE
  hater=TRUE
  hypocrite=TRUE
  bring.in.more.sleeps.and.johns.to.kiss.ass()
  sleeps.say("revolution: You're the greatest!" Smile)
  delusion++
  cant.write.code.worth.a.shit=TRUE
  truth("SOME 'FASMNEWBIES' WRITE WAY BETTER CODE!")
  revolution.location=NURSERY_HOME
  revolution.senile++
  fantasize.about.being.pretty.little.girl(Wink)
  false.confidence++
  disrespect.good.programmers()
  jealous.of.good.programmers=ABSOLUTE
  if good.programmer.posts.code
    jealous*=INFINITE
    ATTACK!()
    give.useless.advice()
    waste.their.time()
    care.about.fasm.community--
    claim("Trying to help")
    sincere=NO!
    evolution--
    ignorance++
  else if beginners.talk
    sincere=random()
    talk.about.random.subject()
    thought("At least I can help beginners")
    care.about.fasm.community--
    evolution--
  else if user.posts.anything.creative
    deem.as.worthless()
    send.to.heap()
    misuse.fake.online.power()
    evolution--
  end if
  give.useless.advice()
  recommend.opposite.of.m3ntal()
  if m3ntal.promotes.efficiency
    revolution.promote.wastefulness()
    care.about.fasm.community--
  end if
  thought("I wish I could write code like m3ntal")
  delusion++
end forever

end class    
Post 09 Jun 2015, 04:35
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Coty



Joined: 17 May 2010
Posts: 546
Location: ␀
Coty
This code is crap, I rate it 6 out of 5 stars - IGN.
Post 11 Jun 2015, 17:47
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Foxxy



Joined: 14 Jul 2014
Posts: 42
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow...
Foxxy
You're really obnoxious.
Post 11 Jun 2015, 19:36
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zalupa-m3ntal



Joined: 13 Jun 2015
Posts: 1
zalupa-m3ntal
Special answer for m3ntal.

Hi m3ntal!
Crying out?
Again?
How do you do, your banana rot?

I'm your vomit shade! hahaha
Post 13 Jun 2015, 20:17
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m3ntal



Joined: 08 Dec 2013
Posts: 296
m3ntal
Cody wrote:
Quote:
This code is crap, I rate it 6 out of 5 stars - IGN.
Thanks, 6 out of 5 is pretty damn good. Hope you finish your site next millennium Wink
Code:
cody.jealous=TRUE
cody.hater=TRUE
cody.fake.ass.programmer=TRUE
cody.steals.from.talented.people=TRUE

if talented.person.helps.world | helps.humanity
  cody.steal.money.from(talented.person)
  cody.buy.new.ferraris()
  cody.support.corporations=TRUE
  cody.aint.worth.shit=TRUE
  cody.will.go.broke=SOON
end

if m3ntal.has.money
  free.energy.from.sun=TRUE
  m3ntal.help.the.world=TRUE
  m3ntal.spend.on.self=ZERO
else if cody.has.money
  cody.waste.money(random(WHATEVER))
  cody.fuck.the.world=TRUE
  cody.buy.new.ferraris=TRUE
  cody.economic.intelligence=-ZERO!
  cody.kiss.ass(SLEEPS|JOHNS)
end    
Post 16 Jun 2015, 12:35
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MHajduk



Joined: 30 Mar 2006
Posts: 6034
Location: Poland
MHajduk
m3ntal wrote:
Code:
if m3ntal.has.money
  free.energy.from.sun=TRUE    
Don't forget about WATER. Wink It's a crucial for gardening and life in general. When you're going to buy a few acres in (Southern) California be prepared for severe drought(s) that may occur there. Build a deep water intake and pump it using electricity from the solar panels. Smile

Code:
if m3ntal.has.money
  free.energy.from.sun=TRUE
  free.water.from.deep.well=TRUE
  (...)    
Post 16 Jun 2015, 13:16
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edfed



Joined: 20 Feb 2006
Posts: 4237
Location: 2018
edfed
optimisation man, optimisation!
instead of writing crap like
Code:
if myWifeHaveBalls
  myWifeIsMyHusband = TRUE
    


write less lines of code like

Code:
myWifeIsMyHusband=myWifeHaveBalls;
    


and if you really want to save the planet, use less energy doing useless stuff, like writing too long variable names.

Code:
me.wife.gender = me.wife.haveballs
    


becomes:

Code:
me.wsex = wballs
    


any experienced programmer can understand that.

Smile
Post 17 Jun 2015, 08:07
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MHajduk



Joined: 30 Mar 2006
Posts: 6034
Location: Poland
MHajduk
edfed wrote:
optimisation man, optimisation!
instead of writing crap like
Code:
if myWifeHaveBalls
  myWifeIsMyHusband = TRUE
    


write less lines of code like

Code:
myWifeIsMyHusband=myWifeHaveBalls;
    
Haha, it reminds me of an old Polish wit that says:

If grandma had a moustache, she would be a grandpa.
(Gdyby babcia miała wąsy, to by była dziadkiem.)
Laughing
Post 17 Jun 2015, 08:39
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typedef



Joined: 25 Jul 2010
Posts: 2913
Location: 0x77760000
typedef
You forgot his/her/its gender.

And prepare your anus too because you're about to get raped when he/she/it shows up.
Post 17 Jun 2015, 17:19
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